Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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