You really coming over, don't trick.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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