I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
