"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize