You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
