If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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