Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
