And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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