Are we in a gay sports bar?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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