So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
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