And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize