Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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