his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
