Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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