Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize