too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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