Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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