i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
