On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
that's an acceptable place to lick
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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