new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
