remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
