Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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