We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
