Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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