Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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