Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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