I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
