his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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