But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
