is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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