Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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