now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
