I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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