You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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