Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
how does that bad decision feel?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
