I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
