I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
