You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize