It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Randomize