my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize