I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
