I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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