I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
