FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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