i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
