just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
