I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
