Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
