guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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