a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
