They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
