New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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