As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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