the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
