brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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