When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This house was built for laser tag.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
my poor anus
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
