Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
