The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
