So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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