Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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