Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
