remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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