i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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