I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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