Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He? As in you personified your dick?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
