I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
