He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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