Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
