wat bout pragnant strippers??
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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