she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
