$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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