Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
