Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize