It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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