12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
