all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The best revenge is premature balding
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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