I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
