I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
